Healing and Forgiveness

Jesus is on the victim’s side and He cherishes them.

CLICK ON THE BOOK TITLE LINK AT THE END OF THIS ARTICLE TO ORDER ”SINS OF THE FATHER”

A healing victim of child abuse said to me, ”I keep thinking I'm over the hump of being angry at what happened to me and then I remember something new, and I get angry again. How can I get over this hump and stop hurting?”

The answer is that healing does not consist of one big ”hump” that you get over and then it's all finished. Healing consists of a series of humps, but thankfully, each hump is a little smaller than the previous one.

There are things that can aid in healing. Victims need to hear that they have been wronged. Many of the old adages such as ”love your enemies” do not apply in all instances. Jesus said in Luke 17:1-2, that the person who causes a child to sin should be drowned. Jesus does not straddle the fence and hold out one hand to the victim and one hand to the perpetrator. Jesus says nothing about giving the perpetrator a second chance, and victims need to hear this. Contrary to what the perpetrators may have said, Jesus is on the victim's side and he cherishes them.

Victims need to see perpetrators face the consequences of their actions with church censure and disfellowship. They need to be supported and believed. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to tell what has happened. No one would make up a story of abuse just for kicks.

Should victims be forced to grant forgiveness to the perpetrator? Contrary to popular belief, Jesus does not insist that victims grant forgiveness. A closer look at Luke 17:3-4 reads, ”if he repents, forgive him.” Most child molesters do not repent. Instead, they minimize what they have done in order to try to maintain their status in the church. And churches have failed the victims by believing that the perpetrators have been falsely accused, or were just misunderstood. They have failed the victims by insisting that they ”forgive and forget.”

For victims whose perpetrators have never apologized, I offer my understanding: forgiveness happens obliquely, as victims take charge of what happens to themselves from now on. When enough good things happen that they realize they are going to be okay after all, they have a choice not to brood about the abuse anymore, forgiveness comes as joyous gift they give themselves.

There is a promise for parents who wring their hands as they watch their abused child struggle to regain a relationship with God and the church. Contrary to the old, unencouraging statement that God never forces Himself on anyone, is the precious promise in Philippians 1:6: ”He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it.” Your child, who grew up going to Sabbath School and loving the Lord, has God at work in him. It's not the child's decision to be a believer, it's God's! And the all-powerful God to whom your child was dedicated, is faithful to complete the work He started, even if it takes the child's entire lifetime. God will finish the work!

When you grasp the power of this promise, and place your child entirely in God's hands, trusting that He is always working on your child's heart, you begin to experience the ”peace that passes all understanding.”

Healing and forgiveness are possible, with time.

Marianne Morris is the author of the book ”Sins of the Father” about the true story of a predatory child molester and the people in his family and church who wouldn't believe it. Click on the book title to order it from Amazon.com.

Response to this article:

Dear Love Takes Time,

I'm writing you because someone forwarded me a link to an article on your website. The article is titled "Healing and Forgiveness" by Marianne Morris. The person was so disturbed by the article that they asked me to review it and let them know what I thought. After reading it I decided to share my thoughts with you also.

I want to start off by saying that I'm in agreement with the overall message the author is trying to convey. I think churches should build a solid wall of support around any victim especially if the victim is a child. I also believe that God's punishment will be severe for all those unrepentant perpetrators that prey off of God's most helpless children. But I think that Morris' article denies some of the most basic tenants of the gospel. God's forgiveness is offered to all even though we all are undeserving. His forgiveness is not deserving-based, but love-based. Jesus even asked His Father to forgive the people that were killing Him, even though they had not recognized their evil and asked for His forgiveness. I will assume based on other things on this website, that you already know and believe this. I did not get the sense that this article was an example of what your website believes. But I still want to point out some problem areas in this article.

1. "Many of the old adages such as 'love your enemies' do not apply in all instances." I'm wondering what instances? This should be the standard of what we all are trying to get to. I can not even imagine how you can explain this to a victim. I guess that's why God has given us ministries like yours. But I think we get on dangerous grounds when we say that God's direct command should be put aside.
2. "Jesus said in Luke 17:1-2, that the person who causes a child to sin should be drowned." That's not what Jesus said. He was letting them know that the punishment would be worse then being drowned in the sea.
3. "Jesus does not straddle the fence and hold out one hand to the victim and one hand to the perpetrator. Jesus says nothing about giving the perpetrator a second chance." This statement seems to go against that basic christian teachings of the bible. God is faithful to forgive us (Acts 1:9) even in the midst of our rebellion against Him, He is standing at the door and knocking for us.
4. "Jesus does not insist that victims grant forgiveness." I agree with this statement to a point. God does not force us to forgive anyone, but He says we should forgive everyone. God knows that forgiveness allows us to move on to full healing. Forgiving is just as; or even more, beneficial to the victim than it is to the perpetrator. I find it hard to believe how one can have healing without forgiveness. I know we are humans and we can be hurt to the point where it can take some time to get back to where God wants us to be, but this should still be the standard for all.

Sorry for taking so much of your time on this, but I felt it was important to point these things out. People are linking to your ministry site and reading this article with statements that appear to go against what God's word says.

Your friend in Christ,
Chris Jones