Long Awaited Healing

Each one of us has dealt with hurtful experiences which we carry around throughout our lives. The key to healing lies in forgiveness of ourselves and others, because it releases us from our own fear and anger.

My work in addictions has given me a strong awareness of what emotional healing really looks like. Very dramatic changes occur when people get into chemical dependency recovery. Each of us has faced experiences where someone else has said or done something that has shut us down or prevented us from feeling significant or valued.

Few stories are as convincing of this as that of Jacob and Esau. Jacob the deceiver, supported by his mother, manipulated his brother out of the birthright and steals the blessing intended for Esau. There was to be a time of reckoning. That time came when Jacob, his wives, children, servants and herds began the journey back to Beer-sheba. When he reached Edom, he sent messengers to Esau to express a greeting. Jacob was so concerned about what he would meet, that he separated his herds and family, offering large gifts to win over Esau. The fearful encounter turned out to be one of reassurance and acceptance. Though the pain was not forgotten, both brothers were willing to look beyond it.

Our needs for forgiveness and healing are encapsulated in the Alcoholics Anonymous ninth step. “We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” This message describes a call to action, a true need to respond to the personhood of another. Whether we’ve been wronged or we’ve wronged someone else, the act of forgiveness releases us from the emotional resentment which permeates our lives. Whether I’m giving it or receiving it, forgiveness is a gift to me, to release me from the bondage of my own fear and anger. Recovery models this very act as a vehicle of change.

I was having supper with a highly publicized recovery author. He asked me what I was doing for my personal recovery. I gently explained that I was in this field only on a professional basis. His response was a booming, “Everyone is recovering from something and needs to be working a program.” Although my dignity was bruised, those words stuck with me for some time. Recovery is a lifestyle, not an event. Each of us needs to be working a program. For many of us, that involves letting go of old resentments, forgiving those who have hurt us, and getting on with the business of life. Recovery represents a taste of freedom which only some can remember.

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