Question and Answer

You wrote to Harvey and Kathy about their opinion on prenuptial agreements. Harvey has asked me to respond. You raise an interesting question, and if it’s Biblical or not, and suggested that if the kids are grown then it might be different (or appropriate for an agreement).

As a pastor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I personally believe that it isn’t Biblical. However, that doesn’t mean that it is evil or wrong. Let me explain. The idea of a prenuptial agreement is usually for financial and estate, inheritance and legal issues. An example of that would be where two elderly or seniors marry after losing their respective partners and they want to protect the estate and inheritance promised to their respective biological children. That action would be for legal, or estate planning and protecting the rights of their biological children. However, the biblical dynamic is that of love and respect for their own children. It would be a very loving and biblical act in doing that. However, if the prenuptial agreement is written out of selfishness, control, power, ego, and/or pride then the PA would be sinful and wrong. An example could be of one spouse having a need for control (even be abusive) while the other is “submissive” and passive. Both would be selfish. One is in open control, the other in passive control and manipulative behavior like a codependent. Both are using each other and selfish. In any case, I believe that the PA could be either a loving act or a selfish and sinful act. It depends on the motive and attitude of the individuals. I have known of couples writing a PA because they have had hurt and pain in past unhealthy relationships and lack total trust. However, later in their relationship discover unconditional love and change or legally rework the PA that reflects their growth and love for each other. I personally believe that God accepts us where we are at in our limited understanding of His love and allows for us to change and grow. Therefore, if a PA is a part of a relationship, God still can work with, change, heal, and grow both individuals if that is the case. If it isn’t, then we are all hurting puppies.